Mother’s Day 2018

Feeling a little sad that I’m unable to be around Mason today.  Trying to take it one day at a time.  These 100 days are so critical in recovery that I just need to do it right.  Mind over body.  Trying to stay positive for the most part, can’t help but break down sometimes.  This is just a little bump in the road.  I’m ready for many more years ahead.  Mason asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up….my response “I want to be your mommy forever.”  I just want to be healthy.  I want to see him grow.

I’m feeling better today than I was yesterday.  Still a little fatigued though.   The little bit of hair on my head is still falling out.  My skin is peeling from the radiation.  I take a handful of medications twice a day.  Getting stronger everyday!

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Cycle 4B

914.  It’s almost been 2 weeks since I’ve been admitted.  My numbers seem to be dropping slow.   I got platelets and blood today.  #vampirestatus  I was hoping to be home for mother’s day, but that might not happen.  It’s been a week and a day since my last chemo treatment.   Let the hair growth begin!!!  It’ll probably take me 3 years to grow back to my original length.  But that’s ok, hair is hair.  I am happy to be alive.

Feeling a little lonely today….

A little Snapchat fun to keep my mind occupied.  Everyone seems so busy with their lives while I sit here and wait.   I’m here to live another day, but I miss my normal life.   Today my family’s taking my son to the circus.    I feel like I’m missing out on these very important memories with them.  Wish I could see the face of my son as he watches the circus for the very first time.   I miss him so much and really can’t wait to be reunited in his tiny little arms around me.    I fell in the shower yesterday and the old lady pains are starting to show up in my body.   My lower back and butt are achy. So now I’m considered a high falls risk patient.   They’ll be setting a bed alarm on me.   :/

#stellastrong #kickincancersbutt #leukemiasucks

Cycle 4A

919.  It’s been about a week and a half since I’ve been in this hospital room.   I had such vivid dreams last night.   Trying to stay positive in spite of being away from my lil man.  ❤️ I miss him so much and am so happy that I’m almost done with chemo.   I noticed that my hair is starting to grow back a little.  My eyebrows and eyelashes too.  Woo hoo!!  I’m hoping it’s here to stay even though I have ONE more treatment left!!   I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!!    Trying to figure out what life will be like when this is all over.   Will I still be me?   Have I changed?   What will my perspective on life be like?  I know I must live everyday to its fullest because tomorrow it never guaranteed.   I’ve been through quite a lot in my life, but I’ve been a trooper.  I just want to live a happy life.

Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.

Thoughts for the day.