Before every biopsy, I feel anxious. Not only is the procedure scary, but waiting on the results…nerve racking. I’d like to think that I’m strong enough to do this without sedation. I put on some oldies and laid on my belly while my oncologist prepped the site. He gave me some lidocaine and after a few minutes…the biopsy begins. My hip was raised off the bed a few times. It’s hard to put into words how I felt while the procedure was happening. I had tears streaming down my face, hoping that I don’t have to do this one day. I’m tired of being pricked. No more needles please. Getting my labs drawn this morning was an ordeal, my veins just weren’t cooperating.
Healing is what I’ve been working on. Trying to stay positive through this whole process. Mason has been my motivation. He is my motivation. I need to recover so I can be reunited with him. I received a text message from his father today that read “Thanks since you failed to respond to my email. For your information I have spoken with the court about your time away. We’ll see the adjustments needed when this is all done.” How can someone be so heartless? Asking me for financial assistance during this very difficult time. I am fighting to live. I literally have to live day by day, hoping that I stay in remission. Hoping that my cancer is cured. Hoping that I can be cancer free for a year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years and on. Hoping that I WILL be around for Mason. His dad has no understanding how difficult it’s been or has been for me. Has he even thought about how it’s affected Mason? I was the one that reached out to the school, making sure that he’d be okay during this transition. But in his eyes, I’m not doing my part as a parent. I’m doing the best that I can and will continue doing so.