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Labs, Follow Up, and Bone Marrow Biopsy

Before every biopsy, I feel anxious.  Not only is the procedure scary, but waiting on the results…nerve racking.  I’d like to think that I’m strong enough to do this without sedation.  I put on some oldies and laid on my belly while my oncologist prepped the site.  He gave me some lidocaine and after a few minutes…the biopsy begins.  My hip was raised off the bed a few times.  It’s hard to put into words how I felt while the procedure was happening.  I had tears streaming down my face, hoping that I don’t have to do this one day.   I’m tired of being pricked.  No more needles please.  Getting my labs drawn this morning was an ordeal, my veins just weren’t cooperating.

Healing is what I’ve been working on.  Trying to stay positive through this whole process. Mason has been my motivation.  He is my motivation.  I need to recover so I can be reunited with him.   I received a text message from his father today that read “Thanks since you failed to respond to my email.  For your information I have spoken with the court about your time away.  We’ll see the adjustments needed when this is all done.”   How can someone be so heartless?  Asking me for financial assistance during this very difficult time.  I am fighting to live.  I literally have to live day by day, hoping that I stay in remission.  Hoping that my cancer is cured.  Hoping that I can be cancer free for a year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years and on.  Hoping that I WILL be around for Mason.  His dad has no understanding how difficult it’s been or has been for me.  Has he even thought about how it’s affected Mason?  I was the one that reached out to the school, making sure that he’d be okay during this transition.   But in his eyes, I’m not doing my part as a parent.   I’m doing the best that I can and will continue doing so.

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Day + 59

More than halfway through my 100 days after bone marrow transplant!  Happy Father’s Day daddy.  I love you.

Last Saturday, June 9th, I was readmitted to the bone marrow unit at the University of Maryland Medical Center.  Once you’ve been out of the hospital, you don’t want to go back.  I thought the pain in my knee would subside, but it had only gotten worse.  I could barely walk on my right leg.  I dreaded making “that” call to my doctor.  He told me to come in and prepare myself for the possibility of being readmitted.  If there was a way to do this outpatient, then we would.  My right knee was swollen and there was a buildup of fluid.  They needed to do an aspiration, labs, and take cultures.  My white blood count and neutrophils were high, which pointed to an infection.  My team of doctors decided that I needed to have knee surgery that night.  Whelp that escalated quickly.  Everything happened so fast, IVs were being put in, I was signing consent, and getting prepped for surgery.

Since I was diagnosed in September of 2016, I’ve been poked countless times.  I’ve had 6 bone marrow biopsies so far.  I’ve had to do intrathecal chemotherapy (chemo delivered through a lumbar puncture) a few times.  I’ve gone through multiple rounds of chemo as well as total body irradiation.  I’ve shaved my hair twice.  And now knee surgery has been added to what leukemia has done to my body.

I officially started physical therapy yesterday.  He gave me 6 exercises to do while I’m at the Hope Lodge in Baltimore.  I’m in so much pain, it’s easy to give up right now.  How do I stay motivated, when the finish line seems so far?  I’ve got to keep pushing through.  Recovery after transplant is about a year.  I’d love to have dinner and watch a movie, but I’ll have to avoid crowds.  Every time I step out of the house, I’ll need to wear a face mask.   Will I be able to take Mason to his 1st grade orientation?

Is it selfish of me to just want life to be normal again?  Can I press resume and continue where I left off from before I was diagnosed?    ACUTE LYMPHOBLASTIC LEUKEMIA’s chapter in my book is done.  I’m ready for the next chapter, LIVE, BREATHE, AND BE HAPPY.

Mother’s Day 2018

Feeling a little sad that I’m unable to be around Mason today.  Trying to take it one day at a time.  These 100 days are so critical in recovery that I just need to do it right.  Mind over body.  Trying to stay positive for the most part, can’t help but break down sometimes.  This is just a little bump in the road.  I’m ready for many more years ahead.  Mason asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up….my response “I want to be your mommy forever.”  I just want to be healthy.  I want to see him grow.

I’m feeling better today than I was yesterday.  Still a little fatigued though.   The little bit of hair on my head is still falling out.  My skin is peeling from the radiation.  I take a handful of medications twice a day.  Getting stronger everyday!